The tentative plan is for a Tuesday discharge. He did fabulous without his dextrose so they took him down to half of his TPN. He won't eat from the bottles I used for Hannah (anyone who bought Avent bottles off our list...I'm sorry, I won't be needing them...silly boy) so I went to Target today and picked out two other ones for him to try. Hopefully the cheapest one works! We'll know by morning.

I called our insurance company today to see if his formula is covered since it's prescription only...no dice. Hello, expensive formula, goodbye grocery budget. The rest of us won't be eating, but Isaac will.

Isaac had his x-ray (potential rickets) and his ultrasound (check on his kidneys) today. I'll call later tonight for the results. His circumcision is scheduled for tomorrow. Poor buddy buddy.

Jason will be joining us for the weekend tomorrow evening which is a good thing because Hannah is sick. She can't go to Isaac's room and I'm not sure if she'll be able to go to the activity room tomorrow or not. So, we'll probably have to tag team with the kids or I don't know what! Pretty soon he'll be home with us and our colds....what do you do. Nevertheless, Hannah and I are excited to see Jason.

Saturday, our Ohio Grandma and Grandpa will have Hannah at their house for the day while Jason and I have a date day all day. We're looking forward to some MUCH NEEDED time together.

A couple of friends of mine are going to our house on Monday to give it a good clean before we come home. THANK YOU!!! It's weird and embarrassing to think of other people cleaning my house. I know it needs it and I won't be there to do it! Thank goodness for friends who love me despite what they might find!

We're getting close, folks. If everything goes PERFECTLY...next week. I'm starting to make plans for going home. I think that's why I'm having trouble sleeping. My mind is on overdrive working out the details. That's how I deal with stress. Organizing things in my mind. Weird, huh?!

Hannah and I spent the morning with Isaac. We even took him into the activity room so Hannah could play. The room has one wall of windows and Isaac just stared out the window the entire time. He's never seen bright natural light before. It was nice to hold him and play with Hannah.

It's kind of difficult to explain but in the past his body has been unable to store glucose and with a treatment they're doing (turning off his TPN for a few hours a day) they were having to give him extra dextrose or his blood sugar would fall dangerously low. Today they tried to take away his dextrose and his sugar didn't fall. So, no more dextrose. Next to go is the TPN. Hopefully, starting tomorrow. This is huge. Oh, and yesterday they started letting him eat "ad lib" meaning, he can eat as much as he wants.

I'm trying to watch Criminal Minds and blog so I'm gonna sign off.

BTW, the pic is of Hannah talking to Daddy on the phone tonight. We miss him. Very much.

Today was a rough day for me. Isaac is fine, I've just been feeling overwhelmed by our circumstances. I'm tired of living like this. Alone. Eating so much crappy pasta. Spaghetti again tonight (not meaning to sound ungrateful). I made it all day without crying until dessert. It was vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce. I had peanuts in my room from Papa and as soon as I dropped them in the bowl I starting crying. This is my all-time favorite dessert because that's what Papa and I have always had together since I was a little kid. I remember sitting in bed with them at night, eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and peanuts and watching shows like Great American Hero and The Incredible Hulk. So I started crying because I started thinking about all the things we've missed out on. Visits with family and friends, playdates, coffee dates, walks around the block...and I just felt really sad. I still do. And Hannah is doing so well, but this still has to be difficult for her. Jason reminded me that in a few months I'll be complaining that I can't get out of the house. That's true. I still miss everyone like crazy and want to see my dog and cat and walk around the block and see my neighbors.

And my dear, sweet friends who are asking about freezer meals and gift registries, you are so wonderful. I don't even care about that stuff (you know what I mean) I just want to hug all of you.

The really great part about today was when the kids napped at the same time. Not because I had some time to myself (although I did read a Hollywood trash magazine and did a word search so I did enjoy the "me" time) but because my kids and I were together and they were comfortable enough to be sleeping. My two babies napping in the same room for the first time. A memory I'll never forget. Before Hannah fell asleep at naptime, she said a prayer on her own. I'm so glad she's beginning to seek out Jesus on her own. I know she doesn't understand, but I believe she's already building the most important relationship she'll ever have. That makes my heart happy.

I woke up at 3:45 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally called the hospital to check on Isaac around 4:30. He was fine and I still couldn't sleep. I should've read my Bible or something but instead I took the laptop downstairs and worked on a project I'm trying to finish up before we go home. 7 rolled around and Hannah woke up so my day officially started. I'm probably just tired. I did learn that another friend of mine who I've come to know, here, her nephew (she was taking care of him) died last night. Four families have lost loved ones since we've been here. That's about 1 every month. It's very sad to think that some families don't bring their loved ones home. I'm very thankful Isaac is doing so well and will likely be home within the next couple of weeks. God has truly been answering our prayers. It's impossible to understand why he answers some and not others. I will continue to lift up the families I've come to know, here, in prayer, as I know all of you have been doing for us.

Much love and appreciation.

Even good days can be stressful. Isaac was moved to the stepdown unit around 4pm. Hannah and I were already waiting for him in his new room when he arrived. His new nurse quickly assessed him (7 pounds, 3 ounces) and his NICU nurse teared up and held him one last time. Hannah wanted to immediately hold him and kiss him. I wanted to get more pics but I was trying to manage the two of them at the same time and figured I'd better let the pics wait. I'm thrilled he's moved out of the NICU but it's really scary. Until today, he's had someone with him all the time. Now, he has his own room and the nurses just check on him. Of course, he's still on all his monitors, but it's still scary for this Mama. His doc also decided to take out his NG tube. Meaning, all his food is now from a bottle!!!! He's still on TPN (IV vitamins), but they continue to lower the amount as he eats more. He's up to 34 ml every 3 hours but if he'll eat more, he can have it. He still needs a few more vaccinations and still needs to be circumcised (poor kid). It's quite possible we'll be on our way home in just a couple weeks.

A friend of mine called today and asked what we needed and I jokingly told her we needed a minivan. Seriously, when we go home, it will be Hannah, Isaac and myself all in the backseat of my Malibu (they said I'd need to ride in the back to keep an eye on Isaac). My friend told me I had to take pics of the three of us crammed in the back. Ha Ha. I promised God I would drive my car until it literally died. It's been paid off for some time and is at 140,000 miles so it could go anytime (hopefully not on the Toledo bridge). I figure when it goes, God will provide our Toyota or Honda minivan (oh, yeah, we've already got it picked out).

We got 2 packages in the mail today from my very best friend in Colorado and my cousin and his wife. BTW, I've never received anything from Target.com and when I got a package with bullseyes all over it I was thrilled. Target delivered. Is there anything better?! Cute outfits and things we need for our little buddy. I remember someone mentioning they sent something to the hospital? I have not received a package there, yet. Please let me know if I should follow up. I have changed the address on the side bar since we may be leaving soon. Thank you to everyone for your generosity to our family.

I'm still looking for a babysitter and a Grand Rapids Grandma and Grandpa. As we near our homecoming, these people will be key to my sanity. Please pray that God would send the right people at the right time.

My hometown, Charlevoix, MI, published an article about our family in the weekly newspaper, the Charlevoix Courier. Unfortunately, I haven't read it, yet. I did hear from one of my high school counselors which was pretty cool. Anyone else hailing from Charlevoix? I'd love to hear from you! I was very fortunate to grow up in a great community. We lived in the woods, on the lake. I grew up riding golf carts through the woods, cross country skiing, boating...a life I'd love to give my kids. Unfortunately, land like that isn't cheap anymore. Jason and I have talked many times about re-locating to Charlevoix. Who knows where we'll end up...I certainly didn't expect the last 4 months so anything is game!

I have some work to get done. Some projects I'm trying to finish before we come home.

Love to all.

After a wonderful week together, Jason headed for home this morning. It pretty much sucks to be away from him. He just called to tell me Cali and Cooper are lying on the floor in front of the fireplace. Hannah and I miss our pets alot. When I'm home I complain about them (the barking and the shedding), but I miss them like crazy right now. Hopefully, we'll be home soon.

So, about Isaac. His doctor feels he may be ready to come home (to our house) within the next few weeks. We've tabled the transfer, again, in hopes we'll be taking him home soon. This morning he started getting a bottle for every feeding and is going up 4ml every 12 hours. He also received the first of many of his immunizations this evening. If he does well tonight (tolerating his feedings by bottle) they may move him to the stepdown unit tomorrow. This would be his first time out of the NICU. His move to the 4th floor would also mean Hannah would be able to come with me to see him. Jason and I excited to think this could be it. It's also scary to be sooo close to the end, knowing that any illness could set him back quite a bit. Tonight, when I fed him his bottle (and forgot the camera AGAIN), I told him how proud I was of him. I told him to keep fighting and to keep growing and to keep trying and that Mommy and Daddy would always be here to encourage him along. I also told him if he couldn't do it, yet, that it was ok. I told him we love him no matter what. Healthy or sick. In the hospital or at home.

I think it's very kind so many of you applaud what we're doing. Really, it's nothing. We don't adopt kids because we want to save them, or because their birth families don't want them. Our children were placed for adoption and then adopted because that's how God orchestrated their lives, for reasons we'll never know. We are just a part of God's plan for our children's lives. And for that, we are eternally humbled and grateful.

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I think it's interesting how we think about families as "mine" and "yours", "birth families" and "adoptive families." As a Christian, I believe that we're all a part of God's family, therefore, everyone is family. We talk about being "brothers and sisters in Christ" but do we love and care for each other like family? Just a thought.

Many people refer to birth families in a negative manner. A common misconception about birth families is that they don't love their kids--that's why they "give them up." I've never found that to be true. Something many people say to me about placing children for adoption is, "I could never do that." And I think, yeah, it's THAT difficult. Why do we assume it's an easy choice for a birth family to place a child for adoption? Why do we assume they don't love their child? I don't think we make the same assumption of Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his son, Isaac (Genesis 22). Instead, I think we look at him as a man of great faith. Trusting God and obeying God despite his human selfishness. There are a million things I don't know about birth families because we're not one. But I do know that my experience with birth families leads me to believe that they love their children as much as every parent. Except they love enough and trust and obey God enough--to let go--something most parents could never do. If there is ever a hero to me, it's a birth family. November is National Adoption Awareness Month. If there is anything I could make you aware of, it would be the love and self sacrifice of a birth family.

Blessings to every birth family who has placed a child for adoption. I believe God has seen your sacrifice, and will reward you greatly.

Things I miss about home:

--our cat, Cooper
--our dog, Cali
--my friends
--playdates with Madi (Hannah's best friend)
--my down comforter
--cooking dinner (I'll regret that one, soon)
--dinner at the table
--Hannah, Cooper, Cali and I greeting Jason at the front door when he comes home from work
--sitting at the table on Sunday morning, reading the paper with Jason and drinking coffee while Hannah eats breakfast
--going to church
--my neighbors
--walking around the neighborhood
--Rose's in East Grand Rapids (and our favorite server)
--Story Hour at the library on Thursday mornings
--grocery shopping on Thursday mornings before going to the library and then racing home to throw the groceries on the front porch because we're running late for Story Hour
--waiting for Jason to call to say the van pool is back from Lansing and he's getting in his car to come home
--arguing with Jason in person
--reading books with Hannah on the couch


Things I'll miss about Ohio:

--my new friends
--joking about pasta for dinner every night
--Hannah running up and down the hallway with Mateo (even though it drives me crazy, now)
--Steelyard Commons
--eating dinner with friends and sharing about our kids
--riding the bus (Hannah says it's, "my blue bus")
--not having to cook or clean
--People Magazine subscription that the RMDH gets (I'm admitting to a love of Hollywood trash magazines)
--all the nurses, doctors, volunteers, bloggers, caregivers and friends in Ohio who have been supporting our family and taking care of my kids
--this whole journey. This is the only life I know with Isaac. It will be sad to let it go and move on.
-Isaac's NICU nurses. My question to them today, "Are you sure I can just take him home?!"
--looking forward to seeing Jason after being apart

Isaac Update:
He took a bottle for the first time this morning. He's taking a bottle every other feed and at midnight will be at 20 ml every 3 hours. We'll have more news about his transfer/discharge plans on Monday...

Good night.

I missed yesterday, didn’t I?! We put Hannah to bed around 8ish and we were all asleep by 8:30. Jason and I didn’t intend on going to sleep so early, but I guess we were tired!

We spent most of the day with friends from RMDH. They invited us to their family Thanksgiving. It was so fun. We played a new game called, Ships. Let’s just say jumping around on the floor with giant playing cards isn’t just for kids! I think I may actually try to make a deck of these cards because I know some friends of ours who would love this game! We ate tons of food and Jason even got to see the Lions game while we were there.

We returned to the RMDH later in the evening only to have more turkey! All together, we had 5 Thanksgiving meals. And I didn't count a single calorie. I don't think I can count that high, anyway.

So, we received some really great news today. It sounds as if Isaac may be coming home sooner than anticipated. His doctor mentioned today that he may be ready to come home before Christmas! Jason, Hannah and I actually went to Target today but not for the 2-day sales. We went to pick up a few things for Isaac and add a few things to the registry. We're still hopeful he'll be transferred at the end of next week--as long as he doesn't get sick and when DeVos has an opening for him. Jason and I starting talking about some things we're going to try to do differently when "the family" returns home. We're so excited to think we all might be home, soon!

I fed Isaac both of his syringe bottles today. Hopefully, he'll try a real bottle tomorrow. He's eating every 3 hours and is going up 2ml every 12 hours. So, at midnight, he'll be at 18ml every 3 hours. He's getting there!

Jason, Hannah and I have had a lot of fun together. Laughing, playing and just being together. Jason and I are always laughing at the funny things Hannah says. Tonight, in the car she said, "Let me see...I remember something...I remember when we fixed Daddy's car." Just out of the blue. And sure enough, Jason did get his tires replaced about a month ago here in Cleveland. We just love her so much.

One more thing. Please visit our adoption advocacy website at: www.threevoices.org Please feel free to pass this link on to anyone who may be interested in our work.

We're so thankful to all of you for following along and loving and supporting our family. Much love to you.

I'm already eating leftover turkey and it's really good. a little bit of salt....yummy. A family was so kind to spend the entire day cooking a wonderful Thanksgiving meal. Real mashed potatoes, sausage stuffing. They even had their kids draw Thanksgiving placemats. Really, what a joy. And now, at 11 at night, I'm eating cold turkey. Nothing better!

We visited Isaac today and learned that they've contacted DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids to request a bed for him. We're getting closer! Isaac also had a bottle today for the very first time. Well, it really wasn't a bottle, it was a syringe with a nipple on the end of it. He did well, eating about 7ml of formula. Of course, I forgot the camera this morning. After watching that great feat, we had another Thanksgiving lunch at the hospital and then headed to a local mall. Hannah got to play and ride the Christmas Train (again).

While today was a good day for our family, it was also a sad one. Today would've been Jason's mom's 56th birthday. Nancy died very unexpectedly in June. We miss her terribly and know that if she were still with us, she most likely would've spent considerable time with us here in Ohio. She would've been so excited to see Isaac and would've been sharing his picture with everyone she met. We know she is very proud of her grandchildren.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and remember to tell your friends and family you love them.

I'm a little late in posting, huh?!

Hannah was up at 6:14 this morning. Not what I was expecting, but with a half hour of Sesame Street thrown in, it wasn't so bad.

The activity room was open this morning! Carol and Betty, my two favorite and most reliable volunteers were there. I had a nice visit with Isaac and then picked up Hannah and headed upstairs for the NICU Thanksgiving Luncheon. The food was great and I was able to see one of my NICU mom friends who is now staying at the hospital with her twin boys. Hannah and I had a busy afternoon at the hospital and returned to the RMDH around 3pm. Hannah fell asleep in my arms on the bus and slept for a good hour and a half. While she was sleeping, a lady came in to do free manicures. Very cool. The only other time I've had a manicure was for my wedding over 7 years ago. I feel so pretty, now!

Jason arrived this evening and one of my NICU mom friends took the monitor (Hannah was sleeping) so Jason and I could run up to the hospital for a quick visit. He'd just had a bath and was in his swing when we arrived. Isaac was awake for most of the hour we were there. We returned to the RMDH to see the second half of the MSU/UCLA game. We lost, but only by 5 points. Jason was pleased as UCLA is ranked #1 in the country.

We're tired! Heading to bed because Hannah will be up in less than 6 hours. I need to get all the sleep I can before I have two at home!

BTW, loving your comments. Keep those Thanksgiving thoughts coming!

Much love.

No volunteers in the activity room again. Thankfully, Isaac's nurse took Hannah for about 15 minutes so I could see Isaac. When I went in he was just lying in his crib looking around. It's amazing how seeing and holding him lifts my spirits. I go from down in the dumps to excited in seconds. He loves when I hold him up so he can look around. Then, he just puts his head on my shoulder and lays there quietly looking around. I just keep kissing his head over and over again. Our little buddy buddy. His nurses keep telling me he's going to think his name is buddy buddy. Have I told you that before?! I don't remember...As long as Isaac does not have any problems they will continue to advance him 1ml every 24 hours. And, if he continues to do well and DeVos has an opening the plan is to transfer him at the end of next week.

I think I'm more stressed now than ever before. I'm sooo hopeful this is all going to come together. I'm on pins and needles every minute of everyday. And every time I call the NICU to check on him, I'm scared they're going to give me bad news. I just want to snatch him up and make a run for it. All the nurses and nurse practitioners are so excited he's doing so well. Leaving here (and Ohio in general) will be bitter-sweet. The only life we've ever known with Isaac has been here. I'll be glad to go, but we're going to be starting all over again in a new hospital with all new staff that know nothing about him or his likes and dislikes. That Sara Groves song that I referenced before keeps going through my mind, especially the line, "it feels like pinching to me, either way." Now I've gone and worked myself up...I have to call the NICU and check on him...he's sleeping. That's good.

I'm also nervous about going back to real life. Here, there is no cooking or cleaning. No barking dog or shedding cat. I've noticed when I've gone home the last few months, my anxiety level really goes up. I feel so responsible for so many things, and I just get so overwhelmed. I'm very nervous about all these feelings when I go home. And it's weird because it's not like this feels like a vacation, but really, I haven't had to do much of anything for the last 4 months. I would appreciate it if you would pray for this anxiety to go away and that I would be able to embrace my role as a wife, mom to 2 kids, a barking dog and shedding cat. The other thing that's difficult is Jason's schedule. He's up and gone by 6am and doesn't return home until 6:15pm. He's asked several times to work from Grand Rapids instead of commuting to Lansing, but understandably, they tell him if they do it for one person, they have to do it for others. By 3pm with just Hannah, I'm finished. I'm nervous about 2 at home, now, for 12 hours a day. And I feel silly feeling these things because this is just normal life! You guys do all this, too! I know in 10 years I'll look back on all of this and wonder where the time went and why didn't I play with the kids more often and worry less. Just sharing my thoughts, I guess.

Let's talk about Thanksgiving. No, not your stuffing recipe or secret ingredient for your pumpkin pie. I'd like to hear what you're thankful for. And please don't say "kids, health, husband..." BLAH. I want to hear specifics. Maybe a situation or a conversation, an epiphany or a God moment, maybe a random act of kindness (or what I'd like to call a Divine Appointment). I'd like to hear your heart stories about what you're thankful for. I think it would be neat to share a little with one another. And, if you don't want anyone to know who you are, just leave the comment anonymously. I can't wait to read what you all write!!!! (Seriously, I stay up late, just checking to see if anyone else has left a comment. And I check like 15 times a day.) I guess I should go first. I'm thankful for a billion things. But one thing I'm thankful for are the people and the relationships that God puts in my life. Like our now moved away neighbors, "Grandma" Marilyn and "Grandpa" Dave. Or my new friends from Ecuador. An unexpected sister-like friendship because of a common adoption link. A neighbor that is a little quirky but truly kind-hearted. I always look forward to the next relationship that God has planned for me. For, this I am thankful.

Ok....now it's your turn!

Isaac moved up to 2ml today. Yippee! I only got to see him for about 1 minute because the activity room was closed again. As he is awake more and more, it gets more frustrating that I'm seeing him less and less. Little buddy buddy.

Hannah, Mateo and the two of us moms went to the Children's Museum today. The kids had a lot of fun and we were happy to see them laughing and running around.

Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary. Oh yeah! We didn't have pasta tonight! A group came in and made homemade subs. They were delish!!! It was very yummy. Oh, and Pepsi, too. I love Pepsi.

Jason finished up the yard work this weekend. There are still many more leaves to fall, but as of today it's leaf free and mowed. Maxi, rememeber when we raked together and you jumped in the leaves?! That was fun!

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Look out, here come some more requests for help!!

IF Isaac continues to advance on his feedings and IF DeVos Children's Hospital has a bed available, Isaac will likely be transferred to Grand Rapids in 2-3 weeks. Due to this move, we will have new needs arising. At this point, (as far as we can tell) there are not many people in Grand Rapids who are aware of our situation--most of you hail from Ohio!! If you know someone in the greater Grand Rapids area who you can share our blog with, please do. Also, If you are able to help in the areas below, please contact me at the email address in the side bar on the right.

--Child care for Hannah. I can't be sure our current schedule will work in Grand Rapids, but my best guess for a time is 8:30am-12:15pm, Monday-Friday through the middle of January. I would prefer the NE side of Grand Rapids or my home so it's a short drive to the hospital and back.

--Another computer project...not related to Isaac's move, but a need nonetheless! This involves a lot of ink and paper!

--We are still prayerfully looking for a "Grand Rapids Grandma and Grandpa."

--A Grand Rapids babysitter. In our home. $5/hour. Must be 16 or older and have own transportation. This sitter will be for appointments and the off chance Jason and I can get out before Isaac comes home. (Since we've been in Ohio, both of our sitters and our emergency sitter have moved away).

--It needs to be done so it's worth asking...I have a very simple sewing project that needs to be finished.

--Does anyone know for sure where I can buy the old kind of roll-up plastic/vinyl window shade? And, how do they attach? If so, let me know. I've checked Target, but that's it.

Allright, I better go before I ask someone to clean my toilet, too, huh?!

Thanks a bunch, everyone.

I think that pic below is my favorite so far of Isaac. His nurses call him an old man. He pretty much is! Anyway, he went from 1 ml to 1.5 ml today. Not much but better than nothing. I visited with him for a short time this afternoon and took him a couple toys I bought. He's now also moving into newborn size clothes--preemie clothes are on their way out.

Hannah and I hit up the mall this morning for some play time, train ride and a few stores for Mom. Our Ohio Grandma came this afternoon while I visited Isaac.

Probably gonna take it easy tomorrow, too. It's been a long time since we've been home and I'm starting to get a little depressed and short-tempered (like that's unusual?!). I'm really hoping we can transfer him by mid December. I'd love to have him home for Christmas but I don't see him sleeping in his crib at home until January. We'll see. There's always room for miracles...right Gram?!

Jason will be here late Tuesday. I can't wait.

I'm really going to try to go to bed early tonight. Love to all.

Secret Revealed!

Settle in, it's going to be a long one.

Isaac: He's on day two of his EleCare (formula). His doctor said she wanted him to remain at 1ml per hour through the weekend to sort of...prime the pump. She wants to make sure his gut isn't pushed too far too fast. I'm totally ok with that. I'd rather take it slowly and reduce the risk of more problems. He's still on room air and I really love that. The only tube on his face is for eating and that's a good thing! Today after rounding on Isaac they let me take him into an empty nursery and hold him while they rounded on the other 5 kiddos. Usually, while they continue rounding, parents have to wait in the reception area. Since the activity room where Hannah goes while I visit with Isaac is closing an hour earlier than it has in the past, they're trying to find ways to give me more time with Isaac. I really do love the NICU staff. They are very good to our family. Anyway, so the social worker comes over while I'm holding Isaac and says she's got it worked out so Hannah can come up to see Isaac, too. I'm elated, of course. So I go get Hannah and bring her up to the NICU. Hannah, Isaac, me and Isaac's nurse go into a private room and spend like 20 minutes together. Isaac's nurse took pics while we laughed at Hannah's silly antics and joy over seeing her baby brother. Hannah even got to hold Isaac for the first time. Pure joy. Really. I just love to see the two of them together. Isaac was alert and looking around the whole time. Hannah sang to him and clapped his hands together--he didn't mind it a bit. We both gave him lots of kisses. Someone recently asked for a pic of the four of us together and I thought about that today while Hannah and I were with Isaac. We don't have a family pic, yet, because we've never all been together. I missed Jason a lot, today, when we were loving on Isaac without him. I'm looking forward to being a family of four for the first time.

This afternoon we received a FedEx envelope. I wasn't sure what to expect. Either one of you called Max & Erma's on our behalf or I don't know what, because somehow, they heard that I'd mentioned their restaurant on our blog and sent us $200 in gift certificates!!!! Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, here I come! How very nice. We do enjoy Max & Erma's and look forward to inviting some of our RMDH friends out to dinner. Thank you, Max & Erma's!! What a blessing.

Ok, so I can share with you our little secret because it's no longer going to happen. You might not believe what I'm going to tell you, but I promise, it's true. When we signed our temporary placement paperwork, we became aware of some adoption assistance (money) that we could potentially apply for. Our Ohio agency generally explained why we wouldn't want to apply for it and we moved on. Fast forward to this week when I began making phone calls regarding financial assistance for Isaac and the above-mentioned adoption assistance came up again. Basically, it's a federal/state subsidy available to special needs children who are adopted. This subsidy is EXTREMELY difficult to get. I think we could've gotten it because Isaac definitely meets the criteria, but we decided against it for many reasons. I know, I know, what's the big deal?! Here it is. If we would've gone ahead and applied for the subsidy, we would've had to post Isaac on the state of Ohio's adoption website for three days. If another adoptive family would've agreed to adopt him WITHOUT the subsidy, it would be up to the agency to decide whether to give us a choice to choose Issac and forget the subsidy, or just choose to give Isaac to the other family. Here's what it boils down to. If there is a family who will adopt a child without the subsidy, the federal/state government will not allow a family to adopt the child and get the subsidy. Messed up, huh? Even though Isaac is most likely very eligible for this subsidy, we're not applying for it. Crazy stuff. Crazy stuff.

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I had a very disturbing phone conversation yesterday that left me feeling pretty bad...hurt, even. After the phone call, which was not resolved, I received an email in reference to the call. I had been very misunderstood. Jason and I were very angry. Later in the evening, we talked on the phone about what we should do. Each of us, on our own, had decided it would be best not to respond. It's difficult, sometimes, to just let things go. Especially when you've been grossly misunderstood and misrepresented. I swallowed my pride and let it go. We both agreed it was the right thing to do. Sometimes I wonder what I'm learning in all of this, and things like this happen. And I see that I am growing, I am learning. Not in every situation, but in this one, I learned. And it feels kinda good to do the right thing.

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We've been waiting for Isaac's birth certificate since July. We cannot apply for a social security number until we have it. And we cannot apply for Medicaid or SSI until we have the social security number. No birth certificate=zero progress. Phone calls have been made by several people inquiring about his birth certificate and the answer is always, "call back in two weeks." July to November is way more than two weeks. This week, I decided I WAS NOT going to wait any longer. I started calling on Tuesday. I started with Vital Statistics, the people who produce the certificates and was told "call back in two weeks." Yeah, we've heard THAT before. I called several other places including the Ohio Department of Health, an Ohio state representative and several other organizations begging for help. "Please, help me get this birth certificate so we can move on." I called Vital Statistics again today in one last, ditch effort to get this stupid thing. It was a different lady than Tuesday so I shared my story and my frustrations and the lady said to hold for a moment. I pleaded with God to just give me this one little thing....please....please....PLEASE. 15 minutes later she returned and said she was mailing out his birth certificate today!!!! Ha! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus! I started crying and told the lady she was an answer to prayer. She said, "Well, God bless you, you just love on your little boy." I'm so glad I stuck to my guns and kept trying. Ha! Take that.

It has been a very turbulent week here in Cleveland. Lots of good things and some pretty frustrating ones too. Not unlike your week, I'm sure. God is present in every moment of every day for every person. Sometimes that's a reassuring thought and other times it scares me half to death. All I know, is that we're all equally loved by Him and His desire is that we seek Him in all we do. And all He requires from us is honest effort. Imperfectly, that's what I'm trying to do.

Blessings.

Well, Isaac finally started to eat today. Thank you, Jesus! They started him at 1ml an hour on a continuous feed. So far, so good. We'll know more tomorrow about how he's tolerating it. His incision is leaking less, almost none at all. The test is whether it starts again now that he's eating. On another note, He's a crabby apple if he's not held! I went in tonight to give his nurse a break from holding him. They also broke out the swing for the first time to see if that worked--for about a half hour before he got crabby again. And then Mommy picked him up and he went right to sleep. That made me feel good. His physical therapist came this evening, also. As you can see, he can hold the toy...and then he puts it in his mouth. I'm so proud!

Hannah and I did laundry and started to clean our room...I still haven't finished. One of my NICU mom friends folded our laundry...what a gem. It's the little things that make life soooo much easier. That made me feel so good.

Well, my NICU mom friend and I are watching CSI so I need to sign off.

Love to all.

Today was World Children's Day...what did you do to celebrate?! We got a visit from Ronald McDonald himself here at the house. Hannah got to meet him. She was pretty freaked out. And then she talked about him all day. Too funny.

Bummer of a day in the land of Isaac. He did not eat. They stopped his Pedialite, too. His incision is draining fluid and they don't know why. We're going to see how he does overnight and go from there. It could be something, it could be nothing. I'll be praying for nothing!

"Ohio Grandma" came today so I was able to visit Isaac this evening. He pulled out his ng tube (tube used for various reasons) while I was there so we were able to get a picture of him tube free for the first time. His nurse then put the tube back in, but for a minute, he was just Isaac. Little buddy. He's a sweety!

So here's the deal (in reference to Gram's comment). I've spent the last two days doing a lot of digging around about potential financial support for Isaac (Medicaid, SSI, adoption subsidy). I finally started putting pieces together from a few months ago and am beginning to understand that there are some things we need to do. I was planning on sharing with all of you, but it's in our best interests (for now) not to share, yet. You'll really flip a lid when I tell you, and I hate to be so mysterious, but we have to finish what we've started before I make a big deal about it. No one is in trouble. No one did anything wrong. We just live in a VERY messed up world. I have to leave it at that, for now. I will follow up, though, as soon as I can.

Hannah got some gifts today and loved every one of them. You have all been so sweet to send us special packages. It's so fun to come back from the hospital in the afternoon and have a phone message that there are packages waiting for us. I just love to see the blinking red light on the phone!

I keep thinking I'll go to bed early and then it's 11, 12, 1, 2....and I'm still up. I need some serious beauty rest (do we lose fat during beauty rest, too?!) so I'm signing off.

JoEllen: Tell Maylee to stop scaring me! Glad she's doing better!

Gram: I love to see you in a tizzy! Glad you're a fighter. I love it!

Mom: Don't worry, I'll call. I got your message and I'll fill you in on the latest.

Nighty night.

Isaac continues to breathe on his own. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept thinking about his progress. At 12:30 this morning I called his nurse just to make sure he was still off his cannula. Today is the first day I feel truly hopeful that Isaac will be coming home. They started him on Pedialite this afternoon. If he does well through the night they are considering beginning him on formula tomorrow. It will be a very slow progression but I'm excited to think he might start eating tomorrow!

I spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone today trying to figure out some of our Medicaid, SSI and birth certificate issues. By the time I got to the lady with the gold ticket and perhaps the answer I needed, their power was out and their computers were down. Go figure. I'll try again tomorrow.

Short and sweet tonight because I'm tired! Love.

Isaac was a busy boy today and was awake and cranky for most of it! I think he's finally settling in to being born. He's officially 1 week old, now (his due date was last Sunday, the 4th), and cries until someone picks him up. They figure things out fast, don't they?! He got dressed again today for the first time since his surgery last Friday, moved back into his crib and is off oxygen support as of this morning. Today was the first day he breathed all by himself! I expect he may go back and forth for awhile (on and off his oxygen), but today was a great day for Isaac Matthew. He also got the dressing removed from his incision and the surgeons think it's looking good. It feels so good to have good news about our baby. The other two moms who have infants in the hospital here at RMDH had good days, too, so it's nice to see each other at the end of the day and "compare notes" and have good things to share!

I forgot to take pics of Isaac this morning without his cannula so Hannah and I went back this evening. The volunteers did not show up so I went to the NICU and asked for Isaac's nurse to come out. I wanted to give her my camera to take a few pics when I realized my camera was dead. Instead, she brought Isaac out to the window (now that he's off oxygen he can move around more easily) for Hannah and I to see him. Talk about a profound moment. Hannah was jumping up and down, so happy to have the opportunity to see her "little bruder." Isaac's nurse put him up to the window and they looked at each other and Hannah gave him kisses through the glass. We all had tears in our eyes. I could've stood there for hours and watched the two of them. I tried my camera one more time and what do you know, it worked! I thanked Jesus on the spot for the mini miracle of a working camera when I really needed it to catch a great moment between my two babies.

It really was a great day.

I do have a couple prayer requests. Continued growth and health for Isaac, of course. And a major miracle in the medicaid, SSI, birth certificate and social security number area for our little buddy buddy. The "system" is a joke and is taking way too long to get us some much needed support. The formula he will be on is about $40-$50 a can--no kidding. We CANNOT afford that. We need the support that our son is eligible for to take care of him. We believe God will provide the financial support we need to make this adoption happen. So far, our credit card has been our best friend. We know this is not a responsible way to manage our finances, but that is what we've had to do to bring Isaac to our family. We believe Isaac is ours and therefore, believe God will provide. But so far, the problems still abound in this area. Please pray for the financial support we need to make responsible choices in this area, starting with the support our son is eligible for.

Many blessings to you, as you have all blessed our family so much.

Sorry for the long delay, my friends. When Jason is here, it's difficult to sit down and do this. It's also difficult to do my Bible study and memorize my verses and everything else I should be doing. It's like that at home, too. I always seem to get less done when Jason's home/around. It's like I get lazy or something. Why is that?!

Isaac: they took him off the vent yesterday afternoon and he's doing a great job on his 1 liter cannula at 28% oxygen. His belly is a little bigger this evening and after worrying for a couple hours we found out he just needs to pass gas! Praise the Lord, Gram! He has been a little testy the last two days--more than normal, so he's been getting a little bit of morphine--just in case it's pain from his surgery. It sounds like they might start him on a little bit of Pedialite some time later this week. If that goes well, he may begin eating a tiny bit next week. It will be a slow process but hopefully we're done with all the problems, now. Only time will tell.

We've been keeping a little secret for awhile but we need to begin to ask for prayer for God's perfect timing. Our insurance company has requested Isaac be transferred to the hospital back home. When we asked who was paying--they said they were. So, along with the doctors here, we need to decide when it's the best time to safely transfer Isaac to Grand Rapids. Please pray that God would make it very clear to his care team what is in his best interests and that Jason and I would have a peace about the right timing, as well. My guess is that he will still be hospitalized until late December/early January, but for us to be home, first, and get settled back in before he comes home would be nice.

I'd also like to begin to put out there that we're looking for a "Grand Rapids Grandma and Grandpa." We love our parents VERY MUCH, but none of them live in the Grand Rapids area and they all have situations that do not allow them to be as involved as they would like or as we will need. We're looking for people who would be able to spend time with Hannah while I take Isaac to appointments (there will be a lot of them) and who want to be a part of our lives. Who would take her to Meijer Gardens or have her over for lunch. I'm not looking for a babysitter, I'm looking for someone who wants to be involved in our lives on a (probably) weekly basis. This might sound weird to be asking for online, but I've been thinking about this for a long time. Just like I knew our "Ohio Grandma" would come along at just the right time, these people will, too.

No dinner tonight at the house so we used a giftcard and went to Applebee's. During dessert (which we all shared together with three spoons), Hannah said, "Why we so happy?" I almost cried, but didn't and said, "Because we're spending time together as a family and we like that--it makes us happy." And then I said, "Why are you so happy?" And she said, "Because of my daddy." It was a moment of complete joy.

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In Matthew chapter 5, Jesus gives the Sermon on the Mount as an example of how a Christian should live. This is something I'm striving for.

Matthew 5:3-12

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will seek God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who where before you.

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Many blessings to you all.

Isaac's Surgery

5:01am--alarm goes off (Jason lets me sleep a few extra minutes and takes his shower, first).

5:30am--"Ohio Grandma" arrives.

6:00am--Jason and I arrive to see Isaac is in his transport isolette, ready to go to surgery. We take turns holding his hand, talking to him and praying for him.

7:30am--surgery arrives to take him to the OR.

7:30-12:30--we have one argument, Jason watches some ESPN, I do some work for some friends, we watch some Discovery Channel, we wonder what's taking so long, we check email and try to blog but the network at the hospital doesn't allow it, we eat some candy, I get some Frito's from the vending machine. We wait.

12:30--Jason sees Isaac wheeled by and we follow. Isaac did great. He DID NOT have to have an ostomy--Praise Jesus! They removed 2 segments of small intestine--2cm and 7cm. They also removed his appendix. Apparently, when they do gut surgeries they remove the appendix so it doesn't cause future problems--kill two birds with one stone even though one bird isn't causing trouble, yet. Works for me. He is still intubated (on the ventilator) but we expect this for several more days as he recovers from the anesthesia.

1pm--We head to the cafeteria--we're hungry! Deli sandwiches, soup and pop.

2pm--back to the RMDH to relieve our "Ohio Grandma." Hannah was fabulous, as usual, and has just fallen asleep.

We've had our afternoon snack and are headed to the mall to take Hannah to play for awhile.

A big sigh of relief and we are so thankful this portion of his care is over. We look forward to the next several weeks as he recovers and hopefully begins to eat for the first time in many, many weeks.

We received a few cards today...a nice surprise...and some flowers from our church family--THANK YOU, GUYS!! Lots of love.

All right prayer warriors, gear up because Isaac's surgery is TOMORROW! That's right, we got the call this afternoon that his surgery is scheduled for 7:15am. Jason and I will be there by 6 to hold him, love on him and pray over him. Our "Ohio Grandma" will be here at 5:30am to take care of Hannah until Isaac is out of surgery.

Please pray specifically for the surgeons precision in decision making and technique. Please pray that no problems occur as a result of the surgery. Please pray for a quick, healthy recovery from the surgery. Most of all, please pray for God's will to be done. To us, this is most important. No matter what, we want to honor God's will in all of this.

This could be the last hurdle before Isaac comes home. We're glad we're making progress even though it means a very risky surgery for our son. They'll be cutting out pieces of his small intestine. If they have to cut a significant amount, they'll give him an ostomy. Meaning, they'll pull a part of his intestine through his skin and his poop will come out into a bag. After a few months, they will (hopefully) put it back in and he will poop normally. This gives his intestines a rest and time to grow so they can put him back together safely. We'll know after the surgery if he has an ostomy--most likely he will.

Thank you for your prayers. We couldn't have made it this far without your love and support for our family.