I love my kids.
But.
Sometimes I don't enjoy being a mom.
And for all of you who want to comment about how I have nothing to complain about, my children are healthy and my life is perfect...eat dirt and don't leave any nasty comments.
I was ready for my Calgon bath by 10am. And it's not because they're extra cranky or I'm extra tired. Isaac has been difficult to feed and Hannah has been difficult to keep busy. I've already got her signed up for Storytime at the library but she needs an ACTIVE, PHYSICAL outlet. I told her once the rain stopped today (probably won't) we could go for a walk. I just tried to sign her up for a class at the Y but one was full and one was cancelled. FRUSTRATING.
I mailed out letters to 6 area churches yesterday basically begging for a 50+ year old couple to "join" our family. It's not that I want help because I need a break, it's because Hannah needs an outlet and I feel bad dragging her to all of Isaac's appointments that take way too long. We can read books, play dollhouse, do play dough and it's just not enough. Thank goodness Jason comes home and wrestles and chases and all that stuff. I want to go to the Y, too. I want to go outside, too. It's not about getting out of the house, I manage that. It's about activity. That's what we need. That's what we've been needing for 6 months, now.
There are also a lot of things I want to be doing besides wiping butts and cleaning up puke. I want to apply to be a board member for a particular organization and of course they want a copy of my resume. Well, since 2005, those are the types of things I've been doing. Obviously, I can write in my cover letter I'm a SAHM but I don't like that my resume lacks 2 years of Professional Experience, either. Argh. I know, I know, I'll cherish these memories when my kids are grown...I cherish them now, too, but I still want to be an individual with hopes and dreams and yada yada.
I know everyone feels this way so there's no need to remind me. I know I'll feel better tomorrow. I know Isaac will eat better and Hannah and I will survive the next few months with few battle scars. But it's still how I feel and this is the place I've been venting for months, now, so here I am. Besides, if I don't blog now while the kids are asleep, I won't have time later.
Hoping to get the first 3 packages for Until Journey's End out on Friday. I went shopping last night and may go again tonight to finish up. Before you know it, we'll be the Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child (except all year round) for the United States.
The kids won't sleep forever. Gotta move.
37 comments:
I can hear all of the comments that almost all Moms feel, frustration, all this work and for what! Just to keep a butt cleaned and another clean bib or outfit. The house will not stay cleaned for a hour after I clean it, etc,etc,etc.
You know what Tiff I know I had those days enons ago but at this point I do not remember any of it so to speak. That does not make it any easier it is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it feels like eons away!
Your picture says it all!!!!!!!
Believe me things will get better.
Lots of Love and Hugs, Gram and Papa
I think 'cabin fever' and such is hitting you. I feel that way, stuck inside, know its worth it and everyone says how fast the time is flying by (of course its flying for everyone else), but ive been indoors since July and probably will til May, for the most part. I CANNOT imagine having another child when you are confined to your house, and you cant explain that to an energetic little one! i also feel that I love being a mom, but it takes away a part of your individuality. But no one tells you until your a mom:)
I pray the day gets better, b/c you just have to take it day by day for now. But I always give myself ample time to be in a downer mood, b/c sometimes, if youre human, you have to. even if you have healthy happy kids
I know what you are going through! My daughter is doing a dance on top of me due to this cabin fever. We have had unusually warm weather here in Canton, up to 69 degrees yesterday, so we were able to go out and "play". But in the mean time, we have done the McD. thing so she can play with friends, a lot of messy activities which always make her feel more active for some reason, like finger painting and tons of "baking" with whatever we can find and just doing art work. I know that doesn't help much for today but maybe tomorrow it will. It got so bad the other day that I told her that the channel with Dora on it was broken b/c frankly I couldn't muster another backpack song!
Hang in there mom...I'm sure there will be a break somewhere..not sure where but I'm sure it will be there.
Love the pic...Have a good day and a better tomorrow.
Hey there! Been there right with ya! I would just like to go potty in a room alone... once... per week...
Hang on to any joyful moments you can and photograph them. Yesterday, I wrote a post on being grateful to have my children... they proceeded to get on my LAST NERVE from that moment on. However, our screen saver flashes photos every few seconds and the silliness occasionally reminded me that I **do** love being a Mom and that my work **is** worth something (although at one point yesterday I actually missed teaching fulltime... almost LOL).
If you have time, try to get a copy of Passionate Housewives Desperate for God. It's very valuable for making me feel like "Ok, today sucks but this is only one season of my life. God wants me with these children" without sugarcoating or feeling sorry for myself.
Blog about cleaning puke, wiping fannies, and trying to juggle two very active little bodies. We, your readers, love every second of it. We're all shaking our heads going "Yep, that's how I feel".
You are NOT alone in this journey.
Sorry, I'd write more but all three of my children are in Aaron's crib, jumping like maniacs and eating animal crackers. Oh, did I mention they're all boogery? Oh yeah... the joy... LOL
Hang in there
I feel it too! Thank goodness,my four year old went back to preschool yesterday! She goes Mon, Tues and Wed mornings and it helps. I hate all the running back and forth, but it is nice to just have the baby to myself for a few hours three days a week. I hope you find your "family" for Hannah soon. And if we could just skip Jan, Feb and March, the year would be so much better, I think!!!
HAHA!! I love your self portrait...too funny. You are human and deserve to feel the way you do. It will pass and it will come again...it is part of being a mom. It has been awhile for me but I do remember the cabin fever days with a very much all boy hyper and ready for activity. Now he is 19 and away at school. I sooo miss his getting on my nerves...I promise. Cherish even the bad days of frustration because it will go by sooo fast.
Do you know any other stay at home moms? Play dates would be great for Hannah. I also agree with the McDonalds or Chik fil A inside play yards...they are great to help with the energy if you can handle taking them both out for lunch now and again.
Hang in there...Your a great MOM!!
Like I always say to you...think about me in Virginia wanting to adopt and do this all again. I want not only the joys but also the frustrations that come with being a mom:)
God Bless you all and have a great day!!
For some reason my blogs are biting the dust!! I had two different ones that sounded so "good"!! HA BUT THEY ARE NOT ON HERE.
Love Gram
vent baby, vent!!!
If you don't vent, I don't know the specifics that I need to be praying for you!
I also have been there. Yes, I agree, they never tell you about these moments in "Mommyhood". I'll never forget when my oldest 2 kids were tots, I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. They had "cabin fever" all the time and I felt like I lost who I was as an individual. I mean I got married, got pregnant right away, lost my youthful shape, and suddenly my only purpose was these little munchkins. Don't get me wrong like you, I loved them dearly, but there really were days that I dreamt of being single and without all the responsibilities of being a parent. However, those moments do pass and you wouldn't give your kids or your husband up for anything. Know that you, believe it or not, are NORMAL, and that you are not alone. I'm sure the last thing you want to hear is "this too shall pass". But that really is the case. But, not to freak you out or anything, just as you pass this phase another one is about to begin, and before you know it you will have TEENAGERS!!! But, seriously, teens aren't that bad. As long as they get their rest they are really cool. Why is it that everyone warns you about teens but not about the cute little bundles that sqwuak and scream and cry and poop and pee on you and puke, etc? Well I'd better go, time for mommy to tuck the kids in bed, our job is never done!!! Praying for a better day for you tomorrow.
Rosy
I've been there too. Cabin fever hits hard in January, I know because I work for a School/Childcare. I think it's because December is such a exciting month and then January rolls around and there is nothing going on, January just seems to last forever. Hang in there and try to get a moment to your self, even if it is just to run an erand by yourself when Jason comes home. Getting away even for a short time makes a difference.
Are you ready for number 3 yet? :) We just got in from swimming at the Y. My 9 year old brought a friend. By the time I was trying to get them all out and dressed I started to wonder why I was working so hard for #4. LOL. I love the punishment I guess. I have no other ambitions. -Sherry
you keep getting what you pray for then you are not happy and want more.
Tiffany,
I'm hoping it's like Gram said (or at least what I got from what Gram said. lol)...it's like any of the icky things in life, at the time it seems all consuming and WAY too much to handle. Then when you look back on it a year, 2 years or 5 years later you really can't remember all that negative stuff. You remember that it happened, sure. But not what it felt like. And hopefully what you remember most is the possitive outcome you had in the end.
I remember when Elliott was a tiny newborn. The weekly doctors appointments. The specialists. The worry. And then he got bigger and the appointments were bi-weekly. The specialists had done all they could and released us. It so it goes. Now I watch him thinking things through and plotting his next move and I think "where did my tiny preemie go? who is this big boy methodically destroying my house?" lol
Oh and just remember, Mommies and Daddies need "time-outs" too. :)
Hang in there good friend and know that I'm in the trenches too...just a state away! Keep looking ahead, good days happen more often than not, and if it were easy, everyone would do it!
P.S. If you want someone to bounce ideas off of for a resume, let me know. I have some "creative" ideas of how to make one work after being out of the workforce. I can call you, I have a great long distance plan. And for Hannah, just remeber that Isaac won't be little for too long and next winter will be better - you're right about her battlescars, she won't have many, and this winter's boredom will soon be forgotten! At least that's what I tell myself when the guilt creeps in. :O) Kids soon realise that there are some sacrifices to be made when there are more than one kid in the family. It doesn't mean it's easy, but she'll learn and continue to adjust. Keep up your fun indoor activities!
Think "Backyardigans".... :)
Seriously though, from one SAHM to another.... know that you are NOT alone! I could have written the same entry! Hang in there! WE can do it!!!
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