New Year's Eve

My posts get further and further apart, don't they? It's really a matter of routine, folks. Once the holidays are over and Jason is back to work, I think I'll be able to come up with a set time of day to "chat" with all of you. Right now, the kids are napping and Jason is doing some work at the dining room table so I have a few free moments!

My parents, Don and Lisa, came for a short visit Saturday to Sunday. It was great to see them and introduce them to Isaac. Hannah got a camera from them for Christmas (the gift she continually asked for). She was thrilled! Hannah and my dad played games and joked around. Mom made a big dinner (that I thought was too big) until I was pleasantly surprised to see my brother and his girlfriend arrive. I was excited to see my little brother who lives in Lansing. It was a fun weekend!

Yesterday, after my parents left, Jason and I sacked out on the couch. Isaac slept with Daddy and Hannah watched cartoons. The guilt. But, not enough to keep my from snoozing (with one eye open).

We were planning on seeing friends tonight for a few hours, but her youngest is sick. We don't want any of that around here, so we'll be staying in just the four of us this evening. Jason and I are usually in bed before midnight anyway. It's usually not a holiday we actively celebrate!

Isaac is doing well. Within the last week, he's starting cooing a little more and smiling just a bit. I'm waiting for his ear to ear grin at my silly antics but we've yet to see it. He still loves to watch Hannah and spends most of his awake moments watching her run around. Last night we skipped his middle of the night feeding for the first time. He cried. But, we all managed through it and will give it another go again tonight. He's been eating heartily throughout the day so I think he's making up for it. We have another round of doctor appointments within the next two weeks. We didn't get a weight check last week so I might go this week just for the heck of it.

We haven't seen the possum again, but I think it's living under the deck. We had this problem last winter, so we covered the bottom of the deck so nothing could sneak under there. I guess it didn't work. In the evening, Cali runs around the deck sniffing in between the boards. Crazy dog. And that possum is like a 100 pounds! It keeps our lives interesting.

I did manage to vaccumn twice this week, finish the laundry in two days and wipe down the bathroom sink and toilet. I've impressed myself.

Hannah has also been using the potty for 2 days straight! Now that is impressive. I'm not holding my breath that this is "it", but it's kind of exciting. I tried for awhile when we were in Ohio, but since we were in and out so much, it was difficult to maintain any kind of potty consistency. Now that we're stuck at home, I have more time to remind her to go. And, she can go by herself on her potty. That's huge! We're thinking about preschool in the fall (she'd love it) and potty-training is required. We'll see what happens!

I'm thinking about heading to Grand Blanc in the next few weeks to visit Gram and Papa. I'm excited to see them (the longest I've gone without seeing them in my entire life, I think!). We'll spend a couple nights and visit other family while we're in town. We have to be careful that everyone is healthy, but other than that, I'm not too worried.

Thank you to all of you who send me personal email. I want to acknowledge that I do receive it and appreciate it, but I cannot respond to everyone. Please do not be offended! Each of you have given our family so much love and support I simply cannot thank you enough.

BTW, the pic of Isaac "in bed" is in Hannah's doll bed we got her for Christmas. How adorable is that?!

Future blog topics: Gram and Papa, Things I've Learned and New Year's Resolutions. Coming soon to the Life Support blog!

Much love.

On Christmas morning, Hannah was thrilled to see that Santa had eaten her cookies. Gift opening was a joy with Hannah as she ripped the paper off of every present--including ours!

We've had a lazy vacation and loved (just about) every minute of it. Isaac is still fussy in the evenings, but since we've moved his bedtime up (from 9 to 7:30ish), now he has less time to be fussy! Of course, I have less time in the morning, now, but something had to give and Jason and I decided we wanted our time at night, instead. So, both kids are in bed no later than 8pm. It's almost like the old days!

We've started a game of Dutch Blitz that we've decided will not end until our next wedding anniversary--July 1st. We've played for at least an hour every night. It's great that we found a game we both enjoy.

Both kids had bathtime last night so we had to get some pics. Well, poor Isaac cries at about everything so he was a mess (but a darn cute one!). Hannah loves to have her pic taken after her bath. I love my kids!

Jason heads back to work tomorrow for 2 days and then is off again for 5 more. It's nice to have him home, but it's also difficult to have a routine when we're all home together. I'm looking forward to putting the holidays behind us and really settling in to a routine.

Cali, our dog, started acting weird tonight during dinner so we let her outside. She immediately started barking so Jason went to see what was up. Cali had a possum cornered on the deck! We quickly brought her in and went to the basement window to get a better view. Poor possum. He just wanted to be somewhere warm. He was sniffing for food, too. It was fun to show it to Hannah. She kept asking if it would bite her. We assured her we would keep her safe.

A special thank you to all of you who prayed specifically for our transition home and parenting two kids. There are very difficult days but overall I feel like we're grasping the concept well. And it feels good to feel good about how we're doing as a family.

Perhaps I will take a few minutes in the next few days or so and share some things I've been thinking about.

Christmas Eve

Where do I start?!

We celebrated Christmas with Jason's dad on Saturday. As Gram would say, we made out like bandits! It was a very memorable day. Lots of laughs and yells of joy from Hannah. She immediately put on a sweatshirt she got from Aunt Sarah (Jason's sister) and made us put together every single toy on the spot! You can tell from the pics that Jim is very loved by our family--even Cooper (our cat) wanted to be on his lap! We had a very nice time. I thought of Nancy (Jason's mom) several times throughout the day. Her presence was definitely missed at our tiny gathering.

Isaac is doing well. As of Friday, he's 8 pounds, 2 ounces and he's eating 2-4 ounces every three hours. He still needs considerable support to his cheeks and chin to suck correctly on his bottle. I asked his GI doc if we could start skipping the 3am feeding....no dice. For now, we will continue to "enjoy" this one-on-one time with our little buddy. He's making more eye contact which is very good. He's cooing a little and smiled at me once (I think). These developmental milestones are critical for preemies. These are often the first signs of normal or delayed development. He will have a therapist coming once a week for at least a year beginning in January to help with these issues. He gets tummy time during the day and can turn his head from side to side. He doesn't want to hold it up for long, but we're working on it! He still loves to watch and listen to Hannah more than anyone else. I think they'll be best buds (at least I really, really hope so).

Hannah is adjusting well. She loves on Isaac and helps a ton. Whenever there is something she can do to help, I ask her. And she loves the responsibility of helping Mama. Her vocabulary and comprehension continue to expand. Tonight, in the car on the way home from church (yes, we took Isaac to church--bad parents!) we were talking about Santa coming to bring gifts to the good girls and boys. She was quiet for a minute and then said, "But not to the bad ones?!" So adorable. And when she picked out the cookies to leave for Santa, she picked the two smallest ones. Jason was disappointed and muttered under his breath that Santa might have to get into the cookie jar.

Joe Gartrell for the Canton Repository wrote a follow-up story about our family and it was in the paper today. You can read the story at Canton Repository and search local headlines for Miracle Baby Heads Home. Thanks, Joe. You've allowed us to share our story with many, many loving people.

Then, we received a phone call from FOX 17 this afternoon, mentioning they'd read Joe's article and wanted to know if we'd do an interview. Visit Fox 17 and look for Miracle Baby. The interview aired on the 10pm news this evening. Thank you, FOX 17, for sharing our story with our Grand Rapids community.

Throughout the weekend and between late night feedings, Jason and I have been playing Dutch Blitz, our new favorite game we received as a gift from some friends we made while at the RMDH. Ken and Jeannie and family, we're getting good so you better be sure you want to invite us to visit and play Ships this summer!

Much love to you and yours. There's no place I'd rather be. And I really mean that.

Gram, you were right, yesterday was crazy. It's always helpful to have Hannah and I dressed and ready before Isaac wakes up between 8 and 9 in the morning. Luckily, yesterday was one of those days I was on the ball!

We left the house around 12:15 so I could return some library books, make a deposit and return the weekend movies. I only got to the books before we had to head to Isaac's appointments. We saw the Endocrinologist (Vitamin D levels) at 1pm. They were very pleased with his progress considering his very early birth and complicated start to life. They're putting him back on a Vitamin D supplement (which I'm thrilled about because I had to purchase it before we left the hospital and it was $85 and not covered by insurance). I was glad to not see that money go to waste but sorry the kiddo needs it. Vitamin D helps the body absorb Calcium which we all know we need for strong, healthy bones. While Isaac does not have rickets, he does have some bone abnormalities. After that appointment, we had another at 3:15 in the same building...so I decided to wait. Other than Isaac throwing up an entire bottle all over myself and him, the wait was fine. I brought snacks and toys for Hannah and she was fine. 3:15 rolls around and we see the nurse practitioner from the GI doc's office (billiruben levels and feeding issues). This was the appointment I had been waiting for. All of his fussing and carrying on during pooping was a little concerning. Well, I was worrying for no reason. She said he was fine. With that out of the way, she gave him a different acid reflux med, Prevacid instead of Zantac--a little stronger to help with his uncomfortableness. She also gave me 3 cans of Elecare (Isaac's formula)--liquid gold in our house! Then I had to take him to the lab to get his blood drawn for some tests. I waited with Hannah while he screamed in the back. It was pretty horrible. Anytime he starts crying at an appointment Hannah gets worried. I decided it was better for her not to see him being manhandled and held down to get his blood. He came out allright and I sat and held him for a few minutes. By the time we left the lab it was 4:45. I was exhausted, Hannah was exhausted (missed naptime) and Isaac was comatose from his blood draw. Jason called to say he was leaving Lansing and I asked if we could go out for dinner. At 6pm, we met up at Applebee's. After dinner we headed out to Meijer Gardens to see the Christmas lights, trees and train. It was so busy. But, Hannah loved it. So it was worth it. Isaac was buried in his front carrier and covered with a blanket so he wasn't exposed to the 1000 other people walking around. A full day!

We have one appointment with the surgeon this morning and then we're home for the day. I will have to get out tonight to get a few things done. I've got this little list of things to do that I continue to put off. Mostly because it involves errands I don't want to do with both kids; but by the time Jason gets home and we eat, I don't want to go out again. Anyway, I have a few gifts to mail that I just need to take care of...now Christmas is less than a week away! Hopefully today!

One of my friends from the RMDH whose son had a heart transplant as a newborn is doing very well. He had a bottle yesterday for the first time. They're not giving them a discharge date, but I pray it's soon! It's so nice to be able to continue to follow along on their journey. I keep telling them they'll never be rid of us now...we're forever friends! We love and miss you guys!!

Hannah is thrilled for Christmas and Santa. Frankly, so am I. I love getting gifts. Love it. I love to give gifts, too. We're doing our best to explain to Hannah that Christmas is about Jesus's birthday but somehow Santa always come out on top. We do read about the birth of Jesus from the Bible every Christmas morning but I have a feeling Hannah's focus will be elsewhere!

Have a great day!

Ok, I officially feel terrible for not blogging for so long! No excuses, really.

Overall, the kids are doing great. Isaac continues to be fussy, especially in the evening. He also has a lot of trouble getting the poop out...at least he makes a big deal about it. He'll be seeing the pediatric GI doc tomorrow and I've already started my list of questions. He also slowed way down on the weight gain so his pediatrician said we need to monitor him closely (we already are, but you know what I mean). Hannah watches more TV than I would like (I vowed my kids would never watch TV....yeah, right) but at least it's PBS and Bible song DVD's. It's just easier, ya know?! Santa got her a big jumping thing for Christmas that will go in the basement that she will love. I'm excited to have an indoor "outlet" for all of her energy.

Jason continues to be a big help with the kids. Both kids needed a bath yesterday so I took Isaac first, while Hannah played with Daddy and then we did the switch up in the evening for Hannah's bath. We take turns every other evening putting her to bed. Jason also helps with the nigh time feedings. He does all the feedings at night on the weekends so I can have a break. Jason also let me go Christmas shopping (since I hadn't started, yet) on Friday night. I was gone from 5:30-10pm and Jason didn't call at all. It was soooo nice to get out and get our shopping done. I went to Michael's, Dollar Tree and Target. I listened to my James Taylor Christmas CD while in traffic. It was wonderful.

Papa stopped by on Saturday to visit with us. Hannah was THRILLED to see him and have a tea party with him. She was hesitant to share him with Isaac and at one point told him he could not hold Isaac. It was cute. He'll be stopping by again this Saturday for Christmas. Since we can't get out with groups of people, our friends and family are stopping in for short visits at our place. Feel free to give us a call if you want to stop in for a visit. There are some restrictions, but give us a call and we'll see what we can work out.

We got a ton of snow Saturday night so Hannah and I went out Sunday morning to shovel. It was so fun. I actually enjoy outside work. I like that it's physical and I just love being outdoors. Hannah loved running, falling and playing in the snow. I was glad to give her an opportunity to get outside. I think that's one of the things we missed most about being in Ohio--not a lot of opportunities to get outside and enjoy the outdoors--like taking walks.

The house is a mess (stuff everywhere). We looked at our budget to see if we could get someone in to vacuum once a week...no go. I feel horrible that I can't get to that kind of stuff, but it really is difficult. And the worst thing is the pet hair. I hate it. I love my dog and cat but not the constant hair all over. I'm so conscious about it when people come over, too. Vacuuming and laundry are the two things that I absolutely have to do. At least I'm managing the laundry!

We also received a very nice letter and gifts from someone in Ohio. What a nice surprise! Thank you so much! It's amazing that so many of you are still out there! I continue to appreciate your encouragement and support. I wish I could have all of you over for dinner! I'd love to have the opportunity to really get to know you. I feel like you know me, but I don't know you. That's why I enjoyed getting your notes and cards and pics that you sent about yourselves.

I better get going. Isaac is probably in bed screaming and I'm on the computer. Bad mommy!

Love to all!

Isaac cannot keep the pacifier in his mouth--not even for 2 seconds--that is why I took it away. And unless someone else is coming over to hold it in his mouth 24/7, I don't have enough hands to do that and the other things I need to do. They can do a lot of crazy things in the hospital to keep the pacifier in his mouth (which they did) but I can't do those things at home because he's not on a monitor, he can't have blankets, etc. I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST PACIFIERS OR SOOTHING MY CHILD. I'll not vent this issue anymore on the blog.

We're slowly figuring things out. Isaac continues to eat well and sleep well at night. Hannah is my little helper--she loves her new "responsibilities." Jason is busy with work but still helping a ton. A few friends have stopped over and I'm looking forward to a friend coming on Friday afternoon for a little while. It's nice to finally start seeing people I haven't seen in a long time. Hannah got to visit her best friend the other day. She was sooo excited. The girls keep "calling" the zoo to see if it was open. She definitely keeps me laughing!

Gotta get ready for bed...Isaac will be ready for a bottle in about a 1/2 hour.

Well, Isaac continues to think he needs a pacifier. He'll suck like crazy for a few seconds on his hand, realize it's not what he wants, and howl away. He's turning out to be a little fussy. I keep reminding him of his alien abduction like life up to last week and it doesn't seem to remind him how lucky he is to be out of the hospital and in the loving arms of Mom and Dad.

Hannah loves Isaac the most when we're not holding him. She continues to feel left out and second, although we're very diligent in reminding her of our love for her.

These continue to be our two biggest battles.

I made a nice Beef Roast for dinner last night and had Beef Stew for dinner tonight. Yummy!

Isaac had an appointment with the eye doctor today and it went well. The doc feels his eyes are doing well. His visiting nurse came today and he weighs 7 pounds 11 ounces. He sure is packing it on! No worries about weight gain here, folks!

Jason and I are settling in; learning how to live together again. After being apart for so long, it takes some time to adjust to life together again, plus one.

Overall, I think we're feeling good. Tired, of course, but adjusting.

I'll try to get some pics of the kiddos for tomorrow's post. In the craziness, it's difficult to remember to take pics, too!

Love to all.

I'm a little impressed with myself. Blogging three days in a row from home. Of course the house is a disaster...I did catch up on laundry, though. And now it's Friday night...time to enjoy the weekend. Jason and I rented a couple of movies--Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny and Oceans Thirteen. Both kids are in bed and we're relaxing in the basement with a warm fire. Cali likes to lay right in front of the fireplace while Cooper is about 2 feet back. It's so nice to just be here. Even with the mess. It'll all get taken care of sometime, right?!

Isaac had his first doctors appointment today. He weighs a whopping 7 pounds 7 ounces--he's gained 5 ounces since he left the hospital on Tuesday night!! Unbelievable. He's going to be on a diet before we know it! I was glad to finally begin to make some connections in our medical community. We have several more appointments in the next few weeks--just to make sure he's doing all right. The doctor also removed the dressing from the broviac removal and there is seriously a hole in his chest. It's kind of gross. I have to put a new bandaid on it everyday. Yuck.

Jason, husband of the year, let me go out and get Beaner's tonight and pick out the movies by myself. He also does the bottle feedings during the night on Fridays and Saturdays (he did this with Hannah and Moriah, too). What an awesome guy. I really mean it.

Evans' Family--sorry we can't make it this weekend. I'm sure you understand! Have a great time and we'll miss seeing all of you! Merry Christmas.

Joe Gartrell, from The Repository in Canton, OH, is doing a follow-up on his original story from July. He said everyone was supposed to pick a story they did this year that they wanted to do a follow-up on and he chose us. That is so kind. He said it would be running sometime in the next few weeks.

We had our favorite pizza for dinner, Jet's Pizza. It was a nice Friday evening. We'll be putting up the tree tomorrow.

Off to relax with my hubby.

Nighty night.

We're beginning to settle in a bit. I'm putting together a play room for Hannah on the first floor (most of her toys were in our finished basement before) so I don't have to keep going up and down the stairs with both of the kids.

Hannah is quickly learning that Isaac takes up some of my time. She wants me to hold her more and is throwing way more temper tantrums. I think that's the hardest part for me right now. I continue to reassure her that I love her just as much as I did before Isaac came home. Tonight Hannah and I went to Beaner's together while Jason stayed with Isaac. We had a little Hannah/Mommy time and it was fun for both of us.

We've had dinner together at the table two days in a row and I'm loving it. I broke the rules today and took Isaac to the grocery store. I couldn't help it! I really wanted to get some groceries. It was wonderful. Cucumbers, romaine lettuce, deli meat, asparagus...heavenly. And it was so nice to see my produce guy--I used to see him every Thursday morning when Hannah and I would go shopping. The last time I saw him was the week before we left for Ohio. Just a little thing but it felt good to have some "normalcy".

Gotta get to bed. Isaac needs to eat every three hours and midnight is right around the corner!

Goodnight.

VERY quickly!

We made it home last night about 12:30 without any problems. By the time we unpacked the car, fed Isaac and got the kids into bed, it was about 2am. Not much sleep last night as Isaac is used to the nurses constantly putting his pacifier back in his mouth 24 hours a day. We're in the process of breaking that habit. (Please, if you don't agree, keep your thoughts to yourself). Jason left for work around 9:30 this morning.

A visiting nurse came this morning to check on Isaac and all is well. He'll see his pediatrician for the first time on Friday.

I think we finally found a bottle and nipple that works well for Isaac...now it's just getting out to buy like 5 more along with some other stuff we need...like creamer for my coffee!! Thanks to a good friend of mine who delivered some staple food items last night. Very helpful!

I'll do my best to keep you up to date!

When we started this journey on July 20, we had no idea what was to come:

--142 days in the hospital
--133 days since Hannah and I first arrived in Ohio
--133 blog posts
--122 days on oxygen
--3 "homes away from home"
--2 hospitals
--$1,000,000 in hospital charges
--$15,000 in credit card charges
--10,000 miles logged between MI and OH
--Countless prayers

--1 little boy finally discharged from the hospital and ready to join his family at home.

A special thanks to all of you who have helped along the way:

--Rachel: For making the first trip down with me.

--Aultman Hospital labor and delivery staff and NICU staff: You saved Isaac's life and gave him a great beginning.

--Cindy: For inquiring where it had not been done before.

--Rogie's Learning Center

--McKinley Grand Hotel: I love guys! Diane, we'll be back in March!

--Pro Football Hall of Fame: Thanks for letting us continue our stay at the MG.

--Chip and Sharon and family: You opened your home, your life and your family to us. We are forever grateful for your generosity and love. We'll look you up in March!

--Ronald McDonald House of Cleveland and staff and volunteers: I love the RMDH. Thank you for all you do. The love you show the families at the house is truly amazing.

--Clinton: You are the sunshine on a gloomy day. Our kids adore you. We adore you. We look forward to seeing you everyday.

--Rainbow Babies and Children's Hosptial NICU staff: Aside from the fact that you took great care of Isaac, I had so much fun getting to know all of you. Thanks for making me laugh when I didn't think I could. Erin, Alyssa, Veronica, Melissa and Kim...you guys are great. I missed you the moment we went up to stepdown.

--Activity room volunteers: We love you Betty and Carol!

--Our busdrivers: Percy, Tim, Eric and Dennis

--Glenn and Sue: Thank you for being our Ohio grandparents. Thank you for being available at a moments notice. Thank you for loving our family so generously. Call us when you get to GR!

--Jessica, Jeannie, Christina, Maribelle, Teresa: Keep fighting! What a joy to get to know you and your children. It's so difficult to see our kids fighting for their lives. God says we're strong enough with his help. You are all an inspiration to me. Friends forever.

--Gram: You are a WARRIOR for Jesus. He is so proud. I am, too.

--Blog readers, note senders and gift mailers: Thank you for your prayers and support during this part of our journey. You truly lifted my spirits again and again. At the end of a trying day, you gave me something to look forward to.

--Jason: We're coming home! You have been a constant source of love and support (even when I haven't been). I can't wait to see you and the kids watching MSU basketball together on the couch. You are an amazing husband and father. Thank you for your unconditional love.

--Friends and family in MI: We're coming home! Thank you for your love from afar. Thank you for helping with major and minor projects that we have been unable to do. Thank you for taking care of our pets and getting our mail. Thank you for mowing our lawn and making meals for Jason. I'm so excited to see everyone. I'm so excited to be going home.

--Jesus: Thank you for the opportunity to parent Hannah and Isaac. I love my kids! You have stretched me beyond my limits and I'm still alive. Sometimes I failed the test horribly and sometimes I passed with flying colors. Thank you for loving me despite myself. Thank you for being a loving God. And when I don't understand your ways, thank you for grace and faith. Thank you for every person, phone call, note and conversation you placed in my path. Please continue to help me become the person you created me to be.

The Plan: Jason has an oral argument in the MI court of appeals in the morning and then his dad is driving him down so the four of us can ride together. The doctor said it was very important for me to ride in the backseat with Isaac so we'll be sure to get a pic of Hannah, Isaac and myself crammed in the backseat together. He'll be discharged around 6pm, we'll feed him his bottle and we'll be hitting the highway around 7pm. If he does all right, we'll only stop for feedings. So, again at 9pm and again at midnight getting us home around 2am. Jason has a hearing on Wednesday so he'll be heading to work late-morning. And so it begins!

When I can't sleep I think about the logistics of being a mom of two. I also try to think about all the things I may have forgotten about that I'll need or need to do since I haven't been home in so long. A good friend is picking up a furnace filter for me this week as that is two months overdue. Some things will just fall off the to-do list completely--like cleaning the house. Was it ever on the list before?!

Isaac's care team has been busy making connections and appointments back home. Isaac already has a doctor's appointment for Friday. I, too, spent some time on the phone today making some connections from my end--making sure things begin moving along before I start to drop the ball! I've been so excited to give out my home number instead of my cell; I said when I get home I'm going to turn off my cell phone for like a year.

Signing off from Cleveland. And Ohio. Please, don't leave! We'll be live again...only this time, from Grand Rapids, MI.

Isaac started on a 22 calorie diet instead of a 20 calorie diet today at 3pm. We're hoping his gut can handle the extra processing it needs to do with the increase in calories. He is not eating enough to gain weight, right now, and it's important for him to be able to grow when he goes home--this is what the extra calories can do for him. He did not start eating much more after his TPN was taken away so these extra calories will have to do until he decided he wants to eat more. We're still hoping for a Tuesday discharge. His nurse just said his blood sugar this evening was 50--the lowest it's allowed to be. He also has a new doctor who has never met him before which complicates matters a bit. Please pray he continues to do well and meets his marks so Tuesday can be the start of our life together as a family.

Next, thank you to all of you who have given me suggestions about where to find financial support. I am very familiar with WIC as we utilized their program for Hannah and Moriah. The first step, however, is to get Medicaid, which makes you automatically eligible for WIC (how adoptive families receive this benefit). As soon as we can, we will be applying for Medicaid in Michigan. This is all part of a very complicated scenario involving two states, two adoption agencies and the differences between how everyone operates. There is also another program, Children's Special Health Care Services (in MI), who I've chatted with several times, that will help organize things such as OT and PT, among other things. Rest assured, as soon as I possibly can, I will be utilizing all the support systems available to adoptive families and families with special needs children.

Less than 48 hours away from going home, every potential setback is overwhelming. I'm trying not to think worse case scenario, but I don't want to be blind-sided. I sent most of our things home with Jason to make sure we have room for the four of us and our essentials on Tuesday. I feel like we're living on the edge of two lives...and it's difficult to say goodbye to my friends, here, because we're going home and they're not. It's all very sad.

I look forward to blogging from home on Wednesday. I'm not losing hope, yet, for Tuesday, but my anxiety level will probably be off the charts until we actually pull into our driveway.

Quick update. Jason and I enjoyed a nice day together while Hannah was with her Ohio Grandma and Grandpa. Isaac got his circumcision done today and is eating between 40-60 ml every 3 hours. 72 hours to go...

Yesterday was crazy.

In a nutshell. Hannah and I had to get Isaac's prescriptions so I can learn how to administer them. Only one of the three is covered by insurance. She's not feeling all that well so things were tough most of the day. Our Ohio Grandma came for the afternoon so I could see Isaac, feed him and take the required infant CPR class. He also had his car seat test and passed. His circ will likely be today as the OB couldn't make it yesterday. Still no results from some previous tests we're waiting for. His TPN was turned off yesterday so he's flying on his own with only formula. They may have to increase his calories as he's not eating as much as he needs to be. Still hoping for a Tuesday discharge.

Hannah will spend the day with our Ohio Grandma and Grandpa while Jason and I have a much needed day together. I'll do my best to update tonight with some pics!

Have a great day!

The tentative plan is for a Tuesday discharge. He did fabulous without his dextrose so they took him down to half of his TPN. He won't eat from the bottles I used for Hannah (anyone who bought Avent bottles off our list...I'm sorry, I won't be needing them...silly boy) so I went to Target today and picked out two other ones for him to try. Hopefully the cheapest one works! We'll know by morning.

I called our insurance company today to see if his formula is covered since it's prescription only...no dice. Hello, expensive formula, goodbye grocery budget. The rest of us won't be eating, but Isaac will.

Isaac had his x-ray (potential rickets) and his ultrasound (check on his kidneys) today. I'll call later tonight for the results. His circumcision is scheduled for tomorrow. Poor buddy buddy.

Jason will be joining us for the weekend tomorrow evening which is a good thing because Hannah is sick. She can't go to Isaac's room and I'm not sure if she'll be able to go to the activity room tomorrow or not. So, we'll probably have to tag team with the kids or I don't know what! Pretty soon he'll be home with us and our colds....what do you do. Nevertheless, Hannah and I are excited to see Jason.

Saturday, our Ohio Grandma and Grandpa will have Hannah at their house for the day while Jason and I have a date day all day. We're looking forward to some MUCH NEEDED time together.

A couple of friends of mine are going to our house on Monday to give it a good clean before we come home. THANK YOU!!! It's weird and embarrassing to think of other people cleaning my house. I know it needs it and I won't be there to do it! Thank goodness for friends who love me despite what they might find!

We're getting close, folks. If everything goes PERFECTLY...next week. I'm starting to make plans for going home. I think that's why I'm having trouble sleeping. My mind is on overdrive working out the details. That's how I deal with stress. Organizing things in my mind. Weird, huh?!

Hannah and I spent the morning with Isaac. We even took him into the activity room so Hannah could play. The room has one wall of windows and Isaac just stared out the window the entire time. He's never seen bright natural light before. It was nice to hold him and play with Hannah.

It's kind of difficult to explain but in the past his body has been unable to store glucose and with a treatment they're doing (turning off his TPN for a few hours a day) they were having to give him extra dextrose or his blood sugar would fall dangerously low. Today they tried to take away his dextrose and his sugar didn't fall. So, no more dextrose. Next to go is the TPN. Hopefully, starting tomorrow. This is huge. Oh, and yesterday they started letting him eat "ad lib" meaning, he can eat as much as he wants.

I'm trying to watch Criminal Minds and blog so I'm gonna sign off.

BTW, the pic is of Hannah talking to Daddy on the phone tonight. We miss him. Very much.

Today was a rough day for me. Isaac is fine, I've just been feeling overwhelmed by our circumstances. I'm tired of living like this. Alone. Eating so much crappy pasta. Spaghetti again tonight (not meaning to sound ungrateful). I made it all day without crying until dessert. It was vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce. I had peanuts in my room from Papa and as soon as I dropped them in the bowl I starting crying. This is my all-time favorite dessert because that's what Papa and I have always had together since I was a little kid. I remember sitting in bed with them at night, eating ice cream with chocolate sauce and peanuts and watching shows like Great American Hero and The Incredible Hulk. So I started crying because I started thinking about all the things we've missed out on. Visits with family and friends, playdates, coffee dates, walks around the block...and I just felt really sad. I still do. And Hannah is doing so well, but this still has to be difficult for her. Jason reminded me that in a few months I'll be complaining that I can't get out of the house. That's true. I still miss everyone like crazy and want to see my dog and cat and walk around the block and see my neighbors.

And my dear, sweet friends who are asking about freezer meals and gift registries, you are so wonderful. I don't even care about that stuff (you know what I mean) I just want to hug all of you.

The really great part about today was when the kids napped at the same time. Not because I had some time to myself (although I did read a Hollywood trash magazine and did a word search so I did enjoy the "me" time) but because my kids and I were together and they were comfortable enough to be sleeping. My two babies napping in the same room for the first time. A memory I'll never forget. Before Hannah fell asleep at naptime, she said a prayer on her own. I'm so glad she's beginning to seek out Jesus on her own. I know she doesn't understand, but I believe she's already building the most important relationship she'll ever have. That makes my heart happy.

I woke up at 3:45 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I finally called the hospital to check on Isaac around 4:30. He was fine and I still couldn't sleep. I should've read my Bible or something but instead I took the laptop downstairs and worked on a project I'm trying to finish up before we go home. 7 rolled around and Hannah woke up so my day officially started. I'm probably just tired. I did learn that another friend of mine who I've come to know, here, her nephew (she was taking care of him) died last night. Four families have lost loved ones since we've been here. That's about 1 every month. It's very sad to think that some families don't bring their loved ones home. I'm very thankful Isaac is doing so well and will likely be home within the next couple of weeks. God has truly been answering our prayers. It's impossible to understand why he answers some and not others. I will continue to lift up the families I've come to know, here, in prayer, as I know all of you have been doing for us.

Much love and appreciation.

Even good days can be stressful. Isaac was moved to the stepdown unit around 4pm. Hannah and I were already waiting for him in his new room when he arrived. His new nurse quickly assessed him (7 pounds, 3 ounces) and his NICU nurse teared up and held him one last time. Hannah wanted to immediately hold him and kiss him. I wanted to get more pics but I was trying to manage the two of them at the same time and figured I'd better let the pics wait. I'm thrilled he's moved out of the NICU but it's really scary. Until today, he's had someone with him all the time. Now, he has his own room and the nurses just check on him. Of course, he's still on all his monitors, but it's still scary for this Mama. His doc also decided to take out his NG tube. Meaning, all his food is now from a bottle!!!! He's still on TPN (IV vitamins), but they continue to lower the amount as he eats more. He's up to 34 ml every 3 hours but if he'll eat more, he can have it. He still needs a few more vaccinations and still needs to be circumcised (poor kid). It's quite possible we'll be on our way home in just a couple weeks.

A friend of mine called today and asked what we needed and I jokingly told her we needed a minivan. Seriously, when we go home, it will be Hannah, Isaac and myself all in the backseat of my Malibu (they said I'd need to ride in the back to keep an eye on Isaac). My friend told me I had to take pics of the three of us crammed in the back. Ha Ha. I promised God I would drive my car until it literally died. It's been paid off for some time and is at 140,000 miles so it could go anytime (hopefully not on the Toledo bridge). I figure when it goes, God will provide our Toyota or Honda minivan (oh, yeah, we've already got it picked out).

We got 2 packages in the mail today from my very best friend in Colorado and my cousin and his wife. BTW, I've never received anything from Target.com and when I got a package with bullseyes all over it I was thrilled. Target delivered. Is there anything better?! Cute outfits and things we need for our little buddy. I remember someone mentioning they sent something to the hospital? I have not received a package there, yet. Please let me know if I should follow up. I have changed the address on the side bar since we may be leaving soon. Thank you to everyone for your generosity to our family.

I'm still looking for a babysitter and a Grand Rapids Grandma and Grandpa. As we near our homecoming, these people will be key to my sanity. Please pray that God would send the right people at the right time.

My hometown, Charlevoix, MI, published an article about our family in the weekly newspaper, the Charlevoix Courier. Unfortunately, I haven't read it, yet. I did hear from one of my high school counselors which was pretty cool. Anyone else hailing from Charlevoix? I'd love to hear from you! I was very fortunate to grow up in a great community. We lived in the woods, on the lake. I grew up riding golf carts through the woods, cross country skiing, boating...a life I'd love to give my kids. Unfortunately, land like that isn't cheap anymore. Jason and I have talked many times about re-locating to Charlevoix. Who knows where we'll end up...I certainly didn't expect the last 4 months so anything is game!

I have some work to get done. Some projects I'm trying to finish before we come home.

Love to all.

After a wonderful week together, Jason headed for home this morning. It pretty much sucks to be away from him. He just called to tell me Cali and Cooper are lying on the floor in front of the fireplace. Hannah and I miss our pets alot. When I'm home I complain about them (the barking and the shedding), but I miss them like crazy right now. Hopefully, we'll be home soon.

So, about Isaac. His doctor feels he may be ready to come home (to our house) within the next few weeks. We've tabled the transfer, again, in hopes we'll be taking him home soon. This morning he started getting a bottle for every feeding and is going up 4ml every 12 hours. He also received the first of many of his immunizations this evening. If he does well tonight (tolerating his feedings by bottle) they may move him to the stepdown unit tomorrow. This would be his first time out of the NICU. His move to the 4th floor would also mean Hannah would be able to come with me to see him. Jason and I excited to think this could be it. It's also scary to be sooo close to the end, knowing that any illness could set him back quite a bit. Tonight, when I fed him his bottle (and forgot the camera AGAIN), I told him how proud I was of him. I told him to keep fighting and to keep growing and to keep trying and that Mommy and Daddy would always be here to encourage him along. I also told him if he couldn't do it, yet, that it was ok. I told him we love him no matter what. Healthy or sick. In the hospital or at home.

I think it's very kind so many of you applaud what we're doing. Really, it's nothing. We don't adopt kids because we want to save them, or because their birth families don't want them. Our children were placed for adoption and then adopted because that's how God orchestrated their lives, for reasons we'll never know. We are just a part of God's plan for our children's lives. And for that, we are eternally humbled and grateful.

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I think it's interesting how we think about families as "mine" and "yours", "birth families" and "adoptive families." As a Christian, I believe that we're all a part of God's family, therefore, everyone is family. We talk about being "brothers and sisters in Christ" but do we love and care for each other like family? Just a thought.

Many people refer to birth families in a negative manner. A common misconception about birth families is that they don't love their kids--that's why they "give them up." I've never found that to be true. Something many people say to me about placing children for adoption is, "I could never do that." And I think, yeah, it's THAT difficult. Why do we assume it's an easy choice for a birth family to place a child for adoption? Why do we assume they don't love their child? I don't think we make the same assumption of Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his son, Isaac (Genesis 22). Instead, I think we look at him as a man of great faith. Trusting God and obeying God despite his human selfishness. There are a million things I don't know about birth families because we're not one. But I do know that my experience with birth families leads me to believe that they love their children as much as every parent. Except they love enough and trust and obey God enough--to let go--something most parents could never do. If there is ever a hero to me, it's a birth family. November is National Adoption Awareness Month. If there is anything I could make you aware of, it would be the love and self sacrifice of a birth family.

Blessings to every birth family who has placed a child for adoption. I believe God has seen your sacrifice, and will reward you greatly.