Jason reminded me this morning that today is Isaac's three month birthday. My little buddy. I am heartbroken at times when I think about how his life is beginning...
Isaac did not have the biopsy today. He's too sick. During rounds his care team put in orders for a full work-up--all the tests needed to figure out what illness/disease he has now. He received platelets this afternoon and is currently undergoing a blood transfusion. They did a lumbar puncture for spinal fluid to see if he has Meningitis. All the while he still cannot eat. Meaning, he does not even have a feeding tube. He has had formula a total of about 4 weeks of his life.
Another morning of unmet expectations and tears. I think we just keep hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. We feel trapped in this dual life. There was mention yesterday that we could potentially be in Cleveland until February.
Have you ever listened to a song 100 times and on the 101 time you "got it?" I mean, like a light bulb went off and it finally made sense? I love the artist, Sara Groves. Her music just really gets to me. Anyway, there is this song on her album, Conversations, that I totally "got" on my last trip back to Ohio. I played it over and over and over again.
*************************************
Painting Pictures of Egypt
-- Sara Groves --
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this
CHORUS:
I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned
The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know
BRIDGE:
If it comes too quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
**************************************
Our family is no doubt in the desert. We may have a lot of water (and an abundance of pasta), but we're out here. It's very tangible. It's also for a reason. I think I'm going to focus some energy on Exodus and see if I can't learn a thing or two from my Israelite brothers and sisters.
Love to all of you.
Below we are asking for help. Read at your own risk!
Ok, so if you're still reading, thanks a ton. I've told you I'll be honest about our needs. I don't really like asking, but I need to. If you're reading along and don't comment on the blog--TOTALLY FINE. Would you mind dropping us a card in the mail? We haven't received anything in Ohio in about 6 weeks. Hannah loves notes and stickers and I love cards, too. Maybe a funny article from the newspaper, a coupon or a word search maybe a picture of your family or a pet. I don't know. But we don't have visitors and we don't get mail. And it would really help since now we're talking February?! Geesh. I might be celebrating my 30th birthday with Ronald McDonald.
Another need is meals for Jason. Specifically, Tuesdays and Thursdays after 6:15pm or leave it on the front porch. You don't have to call or make plans with us. You can just drop it off. Maybe you don't have time but you're a millionaire. You could send him a giftcard for dinner. Well, you know what I mean.
We are running on empty. These things would mean a great deal to us. We appreciate every email, blog comment, phone call and most importantly, prayer. All of you have been our support since July and we are so thankful. I wish we were going home soon, but it appears we'll be here until Hannah graduates from high school. Thanks for hanging in there with us.
17 comments:
TIFFANY I AM THINKING ABOUT ALL OF YOU. HOPING AND PRAYING THINGS WILL TURN AROUND VERY QUICKLY FOR YOU. I KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS ON YOUR FAMILY. MISS SEEING YOU. YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
Happy 1/4 of a year, Isaac.. You are one lucky little boy to have such great parents and a big sister waiting to take you home with them. Hannah will have so much fun showing your around once you get out of that hospital. Fight hard - your sweet little life has so much to offer you even though it must seem like a cruel world to you so far. God loves you and he is watching over you every second of every day..
Tiffany,
I know some days are much harder for you then others. Keep up your faith. God has you where you are for a reason and he is with you every step of this emotional roller coaster. It's hard to look at those pictures of Isaac and realize how sick he is. He looks like such a beautiful, healthy baby to have been born so tiny. I do not know you or your family, but I have become so attached to you all through your blog. I will being praying for you guys tonight.
Tiffany,
Hi- we've never met, but I follow your blog and pray for you, your family and little Isaac. I have three little ones and I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have Hannah out of normal routine and try to manage to visit Isaac while caring for Hannah alone. I'm sure my boys would love to make a care package to send your way and some pictures they color. Please look for that soon. We will continue to lift you all in prayer - you sounded especially discouraged tonight and I will say a special prayer for your strength and patience tonight!! Lisa in Athens, OH
Tiffany,
I am so glad that God has chosen you and Jason to be such amazing parents to your little bundle, Isaac. He is one lucky baby boy. You are in my prayers and I am only a phone call away (or a short drive).
Prayers,
Rachel
Tiffany -
Sara Groves always speaks to my heart, too. This Sara Groves song from Add to the Beauty gives me comfort... perhaps you've heard it. Lifting your entire family up in prayer!
It's Going to Be Alright
It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright
I can tell by your eyes that you're not getting any sleep
And you try to rise above it, but feel you're sinking in too deep
Oh, oh I believe, I believe that
It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright
I believe you'll outlive this pain in you heart
And you'll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart
Oh, oh I believe I believe that
It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright
When some time has past us, and the story is retold
It will mirror the strength and the courage in your soul
Oh, oh, I believe I believe,
I believe
I believe
I did not come here to offer you clichÈ's
I will not pretend to know of all your pain
Just when you cannot, then I will hold out faith, for you
It's going to be alright
It's going to be alright
Hi Tiffany, I've been reading your blog for a couple months but never have commented. I found your blog through a mutual friend on MySpace. I'm an adoptive mom too. My daughter is about the same age as yours. I can't imagine how it would be to keep going the way you lave these last months. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Is there a Russ' restaurant close to your home? Let me know. april@hotmail.com
April (in Portage, MI)
Oops, that's apriljoan@hotmail.com
You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers for months. I have followed your story since reading it on Josh and Shelly's site. I am soooo happy to be able to send something your way. Maybe I will send something everyday. :-)Take care and know that you are thought of and prayed for. Robin
Ask and you shall receive. My thoughts, prayers and well wishes through this blog tonight for you and your entire family.
That care package my daughters and I have been putting together for Hannah (even a thing or 2 in there for mom) will soon be on its way.
Keep fighting baby Isaac!
With Love
Hello Evans Family! I have been reading your blog for a while now, but have yet to comment. My heart goes out to you guys. I can only imagine what you all must be going through. My husband and I are in the process of deciding whether or not we want to adopt in the near future. So, your blog touches my heart everyday. We would love to send you stickers, cards, notes, etc.... Would you be able to email me an address? (carollynn.perez@gmail.com)
If I were closer I would love to come and help out. Unfortunately we are across the country in California. Your family is in my prayers. Carol
Good morning Tiff, Papa's little peanut!!!!You know that no matter how old you get he will always call you that!!!!
We have to go out tomorrow so I am going to see if our Walmart has a premie outfit for "little bit". I have wanted to get him something but have hesitated as I did not know where to find them until some of your friends on here mentioned Walmart. Yes, I will include something for our very special great granddaughter to. Maybe something for you like "peanuts". :) When you get a minute e-mail me your address. I know it is on "one" of the many blogs but there are so many and it would be easier this way. Thanks!!!
I will also mail that Congratulations card that I made back in July. No matter what you will have it for his Memory book and he will some day get to see it.
I know that it is rough but the Lord promises to not give us more than we can handle. I know there are moments that this is hard to believe but rest assured this to will pass.
My love, prayers and hugs to all of you. Gram and Papa TOOOO!
Hi Tiffany. I have been following your story since just after Isaac was born. Know that there are many, many people praying for your family.... and even strangers like me!!! Know that as I follow your blog, I rejoice with you on the good days and weep with you on the bad. Hang in there. Trusting in God's faithfulness and goodness for you and your family today!
Love in Christ,
Deanna
Warsaw, Indiana
Happy birthday dear Isaac! Happy Birthday to you! (singing of course) And more and more.
I am sure that after the most recent news from the Doc's,
that walk in the woods that I mentioned sounds even better. Today it has been raining all day and not a great day for it, so we will save this walk for another day. The woods will wait, I will wait and I will continue to pray that it will be soon.
It sounds as though you will be getting a flood of mail! Ask and you shall recieve! You and Jason, Hannah and Isaac all have so many people stepping up to the plate with prayers, comments, thoughts and love. Some people choose to be anonymous, some choose to e-mail you privately, some you may never hear from but are praying for you daily, as are members of thier families and churches. Many, many, thoughts and love come your way from sooo many places.
Please post your address again tonight for those that do not have it. You may want to consider doing it every week or two, as people are new to your blog all the time. I send my love and hugs and kisses to the 4 of you. As always and forever Mom and Nana
Hello! I was wondering how your bracelets were coming along. The reason I ask is because of a bracelet called Hannah's Hope. (You can read about them at http://www.goupstate.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060808/NEWS/608080305/1028/YOURLIFE). I was wondering if this may be something that could help you all with expenses for Isaac.
Your children are beautiful!! Thank you for sharing them with us. We will continue to pray for you and your family in TX!
Happy birthday to "little bit" Happy birthday a hundred times. I did miss it this time but with Jason reminding you and you reminding us!! Happy birthday again and again!!
Needless to say and I say that so often "I" so much appreciate so many of "you" out there that are taking the time to blog, e-mail and what ever. This Grandmother and great grandmother is really thankful for all of you out there and needless to say "THANKS" for your love, concern and prayers. It means so much to all of us, meaning Tiff, Jason, Hannah,and of course Isaac, Mom/Nana, Papa Evans and all of his family. For some reason my blog is giving me fits tonight. I am typing over other things that I said and it is upsetting me right now. So I am going to quit for now so that "I" do not have a fit!!!
Good night! My game shows are coming on and you know Tiff I so like them!! Lots of Love, Gram and Papa "V"
Tiffany,
I consistantly follow your blog and continuously pray, but do not often comment. Please know we love you all, we value and support what you are doing, and we cannot wait to meet that precious little baby! I often wish I could jump in the car and rush down to Ohio to seriously hug you and help with Hannah. I keep thinking about that day at the mall when I was late meeting you at the tree and all the crazy things that happened. They all seem so minor now. The wet pants and stroller, the poopy diaper, and the anxiety from my purchases not ringing up properly. Minor, Minor, Minor!!! Thank you for opening up your life to all of us and for being so honest. Your endurance is an inspiration. I pray that God will continue to give you the strength you need to get through this. Hang in there and keep your eye on the prize(bringing Issac home), no matter how far away that seems.
Love,
Brenda
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