Hannah and I left home last night around 10pm and arrived at our OH home around 3am. I'll never do that again. That was stupid. Given my tiredness level and Hannah's dislike of long car rides, I think leaving around 6 or 7 pm works for both of us.
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I feel like I live two lives. We have this great thing going in MI...preparing for our new son! Tearing our house apart and putting it back together in record time (thanks to my DH and friends and neighbors). Picking out crib sheets and cute rugs. Thinking about rocking a baby again. It's a whirlwind of craziness and excitement. And then in OH, there is this hospital and this room, and in this room, now very sick again, is our little boy who we're crazy busy preparing for at home, but who is just barely hanging onto life. They are unsure what's wrong right now. They started running tests this morning and will continue tomorrow. He's de-sating (lowered oxygen levels) and having apnea's (stops breathing for more than 20 seconds) like crazy. He's off his feedings and back to IV "foods" until they figure out the problem. I know and understand that this is "normal" for an extreme preemie, but just because something is normal doesn't mean it isn't scary of difficult or painful. You know, like death. We'll all die. It's "normal" to die and for others around us to die. But we can all agree it's still very scary and difficult and painful. I explained to a friend tonight that I felt like I hit a brick wall when I walked into his room today. From crazy excitement to kick in the gut.
And, in all of this, I know God is in control of Isaac's life. I do feel comforted when I kind of meditate on God's control. I do believe that God's plans are best. I do find comfort in that. Thank goodness. If not for my faith, I would be a nutcase. I know some would argue that I am anyway, but those are just opinions. Right?! Right?!
All right, well, I think I'm going to go. I can't do much here at the hospital. Isaac is a sick little boy and just needs to rest. But not stop breathing, mind you. He's so bad!! I wonder if this is any indication of what kind of stinker he's going to be...
Please pray that the docs would be able to figure out what's wrong and treat it immediately and easily.
8 comments:
Wow, it sounds like things are really up and down for you! One minute so excited and the next it all comes crashing down. I was sad to miss your call last night...I'll have to talk to you when you have another chance! You're constantly in my prayers and I will continue to pray for Isaac and his breathing and health. I can't imagine how helpless you must feel. It encourages me to hear you tell of your reliance on God and His will and plan for your family. He never said it would be easy, but He will always be with you.
Much love to you, Hannah, and Jason!
Amy, Bryan, Eli and Silas
Ahh...he won't be a stinker. Maybe it's like he's having all the bad tihngs now and is never gonna be sick afterwards and stuff. Because he already had his share...
"Think Pink!"
Cuz when you're optimistic all the time there's nothing that can shake your world. Not even a sick little boy who hangs on to life. See? he tries really hard to stay here. He want's to spend more time with his mommy and daddy. And THAT is really the fight for life...
Love you!
I'm sorry to hear Isaac is so sick again. I'll be praying for him. I know what you mean about the "brick wall"- that moment when you walk in to see your child and realize they aren't the "healthy" baby you left anymore. I really hope the doctors figure out what's going on and get him fixed soon. If you need anything call me. The nurses can give you my info if you don't still have it.
Katie Barber
Much love to all of you. Tiffany, I will pray for strength for you as you learn to cope with Isaac and the needs he has at this time. I pray that Isaac will turn this corner quickly and you all can go back to Michigan as soon as possible. I pray that Hannah will transition well to a family of 4 when Isaac goes home. I also pray that Jason finds balance between family, hospital, home, and work.
So much on all of your plates, but through God our Father you will get through it. Stay stong and always remember your source of strength.
Amy in Indiana
Wishing you peace and comfort in knowing that little Isaac is fighting as hard as he can to become a permanent member of your lovely family...
Much love and prayers in your time of need.
You are where you should be at this point in time. I know it is frustating for you to see Isaac this way and there is nothing "you" can do for him other than "love" him. Keep your chin up as best as you can and just know that there is so many of us out here praying for Isaac,You, Hannah and Jason. We pray for The Lords Wisdom with the Doctors and Nurses that they diagnose the problem and can solve it as soon as possible.
Lots of Love, Gram and Papa "V"
I am so sorry that you are dealing with so many things at one time. It can become so overwhelming, but you are giving it all to God which is all He asks of us! I remember when Callen was in the NICU for five months, every day I would come in adn some days were "good" days, and alot of days were "bad" days. But overall I was doing the best that I could by him, through HIM!! My husband and I were able to learn so much about Christ's love for us, and for our children.
I will continue to pray for your strength as you I know are being pulled in so many difficult directions. The NICU is not a fun place for anyone to be....and he is a strong boy who needs to grow, and grow, and grow!! Praying for you today!!
Jessica Wilson
www.babyjellybeans.com
I am so sorry that things were not good when you arrived. I am praying. Tell Isaac that Nana needs him to fight just as hard as he has been fighting and that I love him. My love to you all. We are on our way to Marquette, I will staycaught up on Aunt Nancy's computer. I may not comment everyday, And I know I have not been leaving comments for the last week everyday, but have had some days away from the house.Cannot be helped. I check in everyday. If you need me I am at Nancy and Mark's, you have the number. I love you. Stay strong Love Mom and Nana
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